|
 If
you've got questions then Watchdog has answers.
"All knowledge, the totality of all questions and answers, is contained in the
dog." - Franz Kafka
Welcome to my weekly advice column where questions to some of life's big and not
so big problems get answered. You may submit your question to Watchdog by emaling
me at Dear Watchdog. This advice
column is updated on an on-going basis. Watchdog will entertain your questions and
thoughts on just about anything.
|
Dear Watchdog,
Did I see you last Saturday on the Sammamish Trail wagging your tail and flirting
shamelessly?
Signed,
Chelsea
Dear Chelsea,
Ahhhh……. there really is nothing that compares to the amazing beauty of Woodinville
on a spring day and the Sammamish Trail has often been my source for inspiration.
Sadly, it is a case of mistaken identity since Watchdog has been too busy trying
to keep up with the goings on at Council meetings. A few politicians in this city
and their vociferous attack poodles seem to have a special animosity towards anyone
else who does not share their point of view.
Never fear, dear Chelsea - Watchdog is on their trail and will continue to point
to the stunted thinking of any politician who has made obstinacy and partisan politics
their agenda rather than what is best for Woodinville.
Signed,
Relentlessly yours,
Watchdog
Dear Watchdog,
I am a lover of history and I remember reading that towns
and cities use to have their very own village idiot. Whatever happened to that role
in the life of a community?
Illuminate Me,
Michael
Dear Michael,
You may be surprised to learn that the village idiot has been around for centuries
and some claim it might be the world’s second oldest profession. However your supposition
that each town or village had a single village idiot may be imprecise. Some cities
had two or three and sometimes they rise to positions of power within the community
based on their abilities to obfuscate facts and abandon any semblance of reason
or perspective.
Watchdog has some additional observations to make that he discovered while researching
your question, Michael. The village idiot’s bellicose outbursts, disturbances and
distractions were often used to act like roadblocks to silence appropriate differences
of opinion on issues that were really important to the village. Often these village
idiots surrounded themselves with sycophants (that’s a euphemism for yes-men and
yes-women, dear Michael) who had their own personal agendas for the town. While
they made it look like a lot of town business was being conducted, village idiots
actually shared a “treading water – do nothing strategy “ that insured that the
town lost ground on solving important issues that might have made life better for
the town folks. Village idiots are masters of anti-matter
(if it wasn't their idea then it doesn't matter to them!) who seemed to get their
ideas from a magic 8 ball.
At this juncture, Watchdog will insert one of his favorite Groucho Marx quotes
to skillfully illustrate the results when towns have village idiots running amok.
They have mastered the “ art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing
it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.”
So, you see, Michael, while the term “village idiot” may have been retired from
contemporary usage, a closer look at current events reveals that the village idiot
is still with us and unfortunately no city seems to be exempt from them.
Signed,
Your Armchair Historian,
Watchdog
Dear Watchdog,
My poly-sci teacher tells us to be wary of statistics. I thought statistics
never lie. Can you help me to understand this?
An inquiring mind wants to know,
Anne
Dear Anne,
Watchdog thinks your teacher is only 50% correct. (heh-heh!.....a little canine
humor). Actually statistics in the hands of anyone, but especially a politician,
can be misinterpreted at best, and misused at worse. Politicians will use statistics
to convince you that 1 + 1= 3 when even experience tells you otherwise. You need
to always remain skeptical of statistics (and the politicians that use them) and
the best way to know if you are being manipulated is when the political jargon is
couched in emotional terms that promote fear, anger and prejudice.
Signed,
Professor Watchdog
Dear Watchdog,
What came first - the chicken or the egg?
-Curious in Woodinville
Dear Curious,
Watchdog sees that you are a student of logic, dear reader, and he encourages
you to continue to pursue reason and truth and resist the pressures to "rent the
opinions of others" when facts tell you otherwise.
Watchdog had hoped that humans had finally laid this philosophical conundrum
to rest as Watchdog has more than a passing academic interest in the question. (chicken
is on the menu for dinner tonight) ....but I digress.....
What your question draws our attention to is of far more importance! You should
never allow someone to bully you into believing it was the egg (or anything else)
when the facts tell you otherwise. What Watchdog is trying to say is never change
your beliefs to conform to group pressures. I am reminded of the words of Margaret
Chase Smith who said "The right way is not always the popular and easy way. Standing
for right when it is unpopular is a true test of moral character."
Signed,
Ever Steadfast,
Watchdog
Dear Watchdog,
I have heard that doing the same stupid thing over and over agin and expecting different
results is the definition of insanity. What do you think?
-Timmy H
Dear Timmy,
If it is not the definition of insanity, then Watchdog believes it most certainly
is the definition of failure.
To illustrate the point - Watchdog would like to give you an example he has
observed of several local politicians weekly engaging in repetitive and non-productive
behavior. Presumably the purpose of this behavior is to impede and grind to a halt
any progress on city issues in order to preserve their tin-foil hat world-view.
Watchdog must resort to quoting Plato here - "Wise men talk because they have something
to say; fools, because they have to say something."
To spell out the blindingly obvious, Timmy, without responsible and effective
leadership from our elected officials, a city can find itself with no vision, no
plan and no direction but an abundance of hot air. Watchdog wonders, more in sorrow
then in anger, if doing the same stupid thing over and over again might be the only
plan they have? I guess that would make them successfull failures.
Signed,
Your Politically Correct Pooch,
Watchdog
Dear Watchdog,
It seems something has changed in local politics that reflects the mean-spirited
tacticts used at the national level. Paranoid theories seem to be circulating everywhere
and I have seen political posturing, ranting, and relentless finger-pointing going
on at Council meetings. Isn't this kind of behavior sophomoric and politically counterproductive?
-Michael M
Dear Michael M,
Watchdog is also saddened at what is being passed off as acceptable behavior these
days. I'm not sure when some humans decided that being loud and rude were the only
qualities that counted. This chest pounding and despicable behavior makes Watchdog
wince. If you will pardon the reference to another (less civilized) species in the
animal kingdon, these antics more closely resemble the behavior of jackasses then
dog's best friend.
Signed,
Your ever civilized,
Watchdog
Dear Watchdog,
I just watched the Winter Olympics and am getting psyched for the Summer Olympics
- especially the swimming events. What can you tell me about the back stroke competiton?
-Henry H.
Dear Henry,
My personal fav is still the skating competitions. It always amazes me what humans
can do on two legs. The backstroke is a swimming style where you swim on your back.
Watchdog thinks the disadvantage to this is that you may have difficulty figuring
out if you are coming or going. Please note, in the political arena the backstroke
refers to a tactic of elected officials who, depending on the political winds that
are blowing, vote for something before they votes against it. (This
is also known as the flip-flop technique.)
Signed,
Un-athletically inclined,
Watchdog
Dear Watchdog,
What can you tell me about yourself?
-Denny A.
Dear Denny A,
Being born under the zodiac sign of Aires, Watchdog is optimistic, inquisitive,
incorruptible and loyal. Watchdog is a hopeless romantic, well traveled, loves all
kinds of music and takes life as it comes. Watchdog‘s favorite pastimes are spending
quality time with humans cuddled up by an open fire and long walks on the beach.
Dear Watchdog’s advice column is proof that you really can teach old dogs new tricks.
Signed,
Your noble friend,
Watchdog
Dear Watchdog,
What are your qualifications for writing an advice column?
-Stephanie L.
Dear Stephanie L,
Watchdog was not just bred for beauty but also for abilities and brains. Watchdog
holds an advanced degree from obedience school as well as spending a number of years
observing, mentoring and advising humans on their predicaments. (Watchdog also does
occasional consulting work for the government.) Canines have had a long and close
relationship with humans and have helped to transform lives with unconditional acceptance
and devotion.
Signed,
Man’s (& woman’s) best friend,
Watchdog